A Christmas Poem

This is a little thing I wrote for work. As part of my job I write a little financial column every couple weeks for our little Rexburg paper here. Can you believe I get paid to just sit around and whip these things up?

A tale of two brothers, Harry and Ed McDougal.

Harry liked spending, but Ed was more frugal.

This Christmas Harry bought Ed a shiny new bugle,

But Ed spent more time searching, starting with Google.

Google gave Ed a few starting ideas,

“Perhaps I could give Harry a gift card to Maria’s,

Authentic cuisine, complete with tortillas,

With waiters who always say ‘Muchas Graci-as.’”

“Or maybe I’ll get Harry an i with a Pod,

Or maybe I’ll get him a new shiny hot-rod,

Or an Alaskan cruise where he can go fishing for cod.”

But then Ed realized that his thoughts were quite odd.

“I’m Ed McDougal, known for my thrift,

I don’t need to give Harry an extravagant gift,

He just needs to know I care,” he sniffed.

“But Christmas is coming, I need to be swift.”

Christmas morning arrived and Ed felt a little uneasy.

Ed worried that Harry would find his gift cheesy.

When Harry began to unwrap, Ed became queasy,

He tried a distraction, “Let’s go play some Parcheesi!”

But that morning Parcheesi was not to be played,

Harry opened his gift, at first a little dismayed.

“It’s nothing too fancy, it’s actually home-made,

I put together home movies from the 80’s decade.”

“I used a friend’s computer to make the DVD,

It’s from when we were kids, here, pop it in and see.”

Acid washed jeans, feathered hair, the old Atari,

Transformers, He-man and even ET.

“Man the 80’s hit us hard! This is true hilarity.

This is the best gift I’ve received,” Harry said with sincerity.

Christmas morning the brothers spent in solidarity,

But the brothers each had different future prosperity.

You see, Harry spent way too much on Ed’s horn.

He spent the next year in debt and forlorn,

“I haven’t felt so poor since the day I was born!

I have way too much debt from Christmas,” he did mourn.

“I need some kind of bailout just like Fannie Mae,

I’ve got an idea! I’ll cash out my 401(k)!

It was once worth 5 grand but worth only 9 dollars today,”

Harry asked Ed’s advice but Ed said, “No way, Jose!”

“I know that since Christmas you’ve been real low on money,

But cashing out now is a big mistake, sonny!

When you’re old you’ll be rich, it won’t even be funny!”

“Thanks Ed,” Harry sniffed, ‘cause his nose became runny.

“But I don’t know what to do to get rid of this debt,”

He wished he had not borrowed for the shiny cornet.

“Christmas debt is not good, Harry, don’t you forget,

There’s no way out of loans, except through hard work and sweat.”

Ed then showed Harry the interest on what he bought,

How it added up to much much more than he thought,

And Harry finally learned to do what he ought,

“From now on I won’t ever spend more than I got!”